i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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