I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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