Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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