yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
