if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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