Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
