Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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