just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize