just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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