we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
