he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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