'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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