I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
