Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
