what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
