And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
