I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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