butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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