Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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