I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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