my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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