I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did I show you my penis last night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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