Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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