While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
