i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
