Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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