dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
