please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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