Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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