Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
