I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
