I haven't been this sober since birth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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