There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
