Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
