I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
