Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
