Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
