Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
