yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
