so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
