Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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