I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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