id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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