I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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