tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
