he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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