Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
