You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
