I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
