So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
