I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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