This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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