Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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