dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
