I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he's gonorrhea incarnate
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
