Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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