After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
