if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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