I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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