just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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