Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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