My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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