Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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