my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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