worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
