The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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